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Saturday, March 1, 2014

mind portrait


Last year I was trying to focus on water color drawings and didn't do much oil paintings. My last London and Turin museum experiences also taught me that I shouldn't exhibit if I am not satisfied with my work. For me to finish oil painting it takes at least 6 months or more (not because I paint whole time but I need to stay away for a while and come back several times). I tried to believe myself it is ok without that process but it proved me wrong. I understood that my maximum satisfaction decides quality of my work and without that my painting is not mine. This painting I started a year ago I still feel to need a bit more brush work after all dried but I am almost ready to move on. Is there any painter who really satisfy about their work? In my case, it has never met my expectation but getting closer little by little.  If I can make better paintings each year, that is surely one wonderful aspect of my life and that is what we all humans should expect from the future, I guess. The better ability to do whatever we do for life.One artist says that each painting represents painter's own portrait. I totally agree with him. Each painting is what I feel about with who I am. When I occasionally watch people drawings I am totally amazed how they express their own feelings without really knowing what they are doing. While I watch them draw I could pick up their emotions. Specially children's drawings are honest diaries of their family situation. This shown painting's title is "house of mind". I believe that without putting efforts to see our own mind as it is, it is very difficult to understand our life. If I try to read my mind on this painting, I see my mind like an iceberg which is hidden under my surface with various emotions and experiences. As a result it can expand and glow by time or it can shrink and decompose; depends on me. The question is what I provide to my mind and how to deal with it, is it truth or lie (in a big picture). This lady wearing a red dress might present strong desire for searching (like a candle) and elephant comes with respectable attitude toward inner world.In my little studio of Normandie there is not enough light system, so only sunny day I can be able to paint oil and Nomandie has so many grey dark weather ! But even in sunny days I found myself torn between the drawing desk and painting set. When I started drawings several years ago I was very reluctant about drawing using mundane subject because I had this thought that I might ruin my fine art somehow. Now I still have that caution with me but convinced myself this also as my destined work. Nothing pressures me but these noisy ideas do. My head tells me 'do more drawings' and my heart says 'do more oil paintings' and my body says 'relax and enjoy this beautiful life'. My vocation is mixing these three things in a good balance which I'm struggling so far.

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