"Nothing helps me. Not what I have already done. It is done. Each time, you are a beginner. I want to give up, actually, but I don't... it's complicated. It all takes so much strength. I am so fragile. It's emotional..... It seems simple, but I make it so complicated. It gets worse when I am coming out of a work. There comes a point when I think "This is the last time. I am never going to do this again." And afterwards, you think "I should not stop now. I should right away do a new peice." I go to all the extrems, deep down. It's so terrible, horrible, you go down, down, down, but you can't give up, because the dancers are always there and expect you to do something."
I am reading Pina book written by Royd Climenhaga. I am not a great artist but I can understand what she feels and what she wanted to do for her creation. This book gives me the great moment where my heart could find profoundly touching area as an artist about some points which is difficult to confirm that I am in the right road and sharing thoughts with someone as specially a great artist in this century. Surely I get much encouragement which I need the most in my within world at now. Artist uses their own sensitivity as a tool and many times our fragile senses draw us often to the dark sliding down fall. Only thing we can prove depends on our strength for the long run. Few days ago I watched the documentary film of Jean-Michel Basquiat. He could be much better with his gift if he carried his life long enough to live until his late ages but either the destiny of his own was there to show already enough or his fragility of great senses couldn't battle against bigger storm in life . I always want to know more about deeper mind of humans and their life battles. Because when I listen their battle stories and how they got through give me uplifting inspiration to walk on my own. Pina couldn't stop smoking and I don't know if she tried to stop but I know she knew it would cost her life somehow and someway, same the way as Michel Basquiat kept his drugs. This battle takes more than a great gift. It is about strength. However it has to be clearly distinguished with one who don't have the glimpse of the reason to be insecurity and whose strength comes from their own lack of flexible senses which covered with fears. I would say they are not even standing in their own threshold.
Here one of my favorite and dreadful songs from Silivo Rodriguez.
This song tells each time we have a spiritual battle and overcome carrying exhausted good heart but then next battle comes with much bigger and outrageous. It continues in life. To keep your good heart is a real battle purpose in life. He starts his song with quote of Bertolt Brecht.
'There are men who struggle for a day and they are good.
There are others who struggle for a year and they are better.
There are those who struggle many years, and they are even much better.
But... There are those who struggle all their lives.......
These are the indispensable ones.'
Well my journal for Pina's book eventually brought the quote of Bertolt Brecht who gave Pina great influences in various ways. Here I quote what she said which reminds me that I have to refresh my own thought once again.
"We are still not doing what we really want to do... I think we're all still holding back. It's quite natural because after all we want to be loved and liked. And I think there is something that holds you back somewhere. You think that this is the point and if you go beyond then there's no exact telling where it will lead."
The need to move past previous forms, to find a new way of telling, is present here.
I am reading Pina book written by Royd Climenhaga. I am not a great artist but I can understand what she feels and what she wanted to do for her creation. This book gives me the great moment where my heart could find profoundly touching area as an artist about some points which is difficult to confirm that I am in the right road and sharing thoughts with someone as specially a great artist in this century. Surely I get much encouragement which I need the most in my within world at now. Artist uses their own sensitivity as a tool and many times our fragile senses draw us often to the dark sliding down fall. Only thing we can prove depends on our strength for the long run. Few days ago I watched the documentary film of Jean-Michel Basquiat. He could be much better with his gift if he carried his life long enough to live until his late ages but either the destiny of his own was there to show already enough or his fragility of great senses couldn't battle against bigger storm in life . I always want to know more about deeper mind of humans and their life battles. Because when I listen their battle stories and how they got through give me uplifting inspiration to walk on my own. Pina couldn't stop smoking and I don't know if she tried to stop but I know she knew it would cost her life somehow and someway, same the way as Michel Basquiat kept his drugs. This battle takes more than a great gift. It is about strength. However it has to be clearly distinguished with one who don't have the glimpse of the reason to be insecurity and whose strength comes from their own lack of flexible senses which covered with fears. I would say they are not even standing in their own threshold.
Here one of my favorite and dreadful songs from Silivo Rodriguez.
This song tells each time we have a spiritual battle and overcome carrying exhausted good heart but then next battle comes with much bigger and outrageous. It continues in life. To keep your good heart is a real battle purpose in life. He starts his song with quote of Bertolt Brecht.
'There are men who struggle for a day and they are good.
There are others who struggle for a year and they are better.
There are those who struggle many years, and they are even much better.
But... There are those who struggle all their lives.......
These are the indispensable ones.'
Well my journal for Pina's book eventually brought the quote of Bertolt Brecht who gave Pina great influences in various ways. Here I quote what she said which reminds me that I have to refresh my own thought once again.
"We are still not doing what we really want to do... I think we're all still holding back. It's quite natural because after all we want to be loved and liked. And I think there is something that holds you back somewhere. You think that this is the point and if you go beyond then there's no exact telling where it will lead."
The need to move past previous forms, to find a new way of telling, is present here.
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