Energy movement drawing

When energy is making noises I try to lead myself into the hole inside me.
I know there is no other solution except this but there is so heavy habitual gravity pulling my sweet ankles. It is true that I am quite lucky to have this chance to try again and again in this life. I've disappointed by myself so many times about this constant failing of plunge. I found myself wanting to go back and to behave as before, repeating this process over and over again like a complete fool. I still don't know for sure if there will be arriving point for me...

I can't explain about my process to anyone and lost the reason to explain. I was so convinced before to tell people how to live. I thought I knew so well... I am so happy that I finally realized that I know nothing about life.

I already made this energy drawing once but today it started again. What I like about this drawing is that there is not much thought in. I am using something inside me which until I take out of it, I didn't even know this wants to come out. But when I put the brush on the paper it moved alone and I felt there were something very concret bursting out. It's like the fresh wind blowing in the sea on the storm weather. It still need to be developing more from here, it is just a beginning... As an artist I desire to draw invisible things and I don't want to make up stuff or lie about what I don't know. I am not talking about feeling either. I am talking about invisible but so real through my true vision.

What I know by this point of my life is that when this stormy wind is around me I need to be in the hole. I need to get closer to it as possible as I could. That courage is not coming by chance or character. It's very difficult for me as a superficial freedom lover in this world. But if I want it, there is no other way around... Only empty mind and blind eyes can see that hole. While i am writing this so beautiful orange color sky was shown...