There are so many people around me who believe in " what I see is what I get " . Because they believe that it is only way to avoid all stupid problems. But why do you refuse to think " what I feel is what I don't see " .  It is more right when we depend on what we feel rather than what we see. Heart doesn't interact only for emotion matters but it is for searching the root of matter such as who really we are and what we are doing in this limited life time line. Between cold logic and warm embrace, we should find a balance and a peace of our own. This is a hell of road to go along in this physical world to a person like me.

I used to have no problem to spend time cleaning, cooking, shopping, drinking, meeting people and doing nothing special but having fun with others. When I was with someone, I wanted to be his best part of life and I almost knew how to do it.... Except lately I found myself that I no longer am a little girl to dream of having a family. This shocking truth made me shiver and suck a packet of cigarette for a day insanely. These time passed on me right now.  I determined to accept as who I am.  For last three months the situation not been able to paint drove me mad and had to find the reasons and solutions. There were two different ideas don't go along in reality, which, one was to be with someone and the other was to be alone. To be with someone need quite time to care each other and It also seem to me this never been equalized each time. Some certain things I was just circling around made myself standing on the same point where I had been started in the very beginning. But that is the point where I can make a change and start all over again. In fact that was not the same point, I would say an upgraded point at same position. Upgraded point is in me, I have a key to change.

I re-read the book of the priest John o'donohue and the monk Bubjung, how they have lived with their own gifts only depended on the voice of light. What I have to try more is finding the rhythm of life in very natural way.