Ce matin, I opened my eyes with the thought that I have to obey the rule of universe which was given to me. I knew this all along and repeated this so many times but here we go again, I just cant help myself wanting to control my future plans and because of that I invite sufferings into my heart. This early week I got the result from the competition, I was not in. I was downhill since last Sunday, because I have a psychic energy (whatever it is called) foretold a bad news and several nightmares légerèment were added. Nevertheless my dreams were kind enough to show at the end of the road where I felt all my peace and happiness, I couldn't get over my emotion of failure and disappointment for a week.
The morning sea yesterday was brilliant, there was no wave, it caused us, not to be able to surf but I enjoyed little time with 'stand up' peddle.
The water was fresh and cold, my hands and feet got frozen. Pain doesn't exist in the ocean. I didn't exist when my body connected with the ice water of the ocean. It delivered all the love I needed to feel. When the ray of sun spread far over the ocean, made thousands dappled flickers of reflection and my eyes were traveling around to catch up all those moments, I started to think about many things that I appreciated from my heart in this life, so many things.... ! Everything happens for the reason. Joy and happiness were undulating in me again like... all of sudden in the middle of the ocean bouncing up and down, splashing dolphins appear. Like someone who believes the treasures of the ocean...
Let it go, surrender, let it happen...
Reading Meister Eckhart at night, this phrase again struck my mind. " When we go out of ourselves through obedience and strip ourselves of what is ours, then God must enter into us. i do not will for myself, God wills on my hehalf." I started to understand what I didn't learn yet. I am so slow...
I want to paint oil now.
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