Keep walking

I remember as a little child there were moments that some special beauty penetrated my mind and they were so much discouraged by adults. Much much later I began to realized that those moments give me a true strength and insight, I think that was my only way to communicate with God. I asked why God did not intervene when bad thing happened... There was a period that deep anger was living with me and sadness was my best friend for some period of time. I was thinking if good doesn't bring a reward then I will do whatever I want. On the way I found out that good is not for getting a reward but for my own mind. And I found out no punishment exist in this world. Sequence yes punishment no. Now what I found out is that there is truth and it doesn't belong to one individual. It touches me and tells me 'right'. It all makes sense... now.

I can't be out of center with one glimpse if that's what K means by. I can't, that is my fact. My progress is slow which is in time, yes but I am making sure walking each step without faking it to find out. I know much much less than K but it doesn't confuse me. What K is talking about really helps me to think deeper and as he said meditation takes place in me profoundly. To think without center is not the first time I heard of as Asian background I have. And I always have thought that is a key to be harmonious in life. The fear of losing myself which I still see beside me is much smaller but it doesn't fully go away, I don't think so. Maybe one day I will write here 'yes center is gone' hopefully...

This painting has two herons; I started with dark winged herons which I saw while I was driving but somehow I ended up with white herons. Human sees a center of her own and whole picture is escaping from. Face a sorrow, swim with it and compassion will find you and it leads you into understanding eventually, then sorrow dies. Different energy comes... It shows in everything you see there is 'beauty' and you go deeper the depth of beauty increased.

While I was painting herons they were showing up in my sight several times and today they made me realize that their wings here are not correct. So I need to fix them. Their flying shapes are just helplessly beautiful and quiet.